Friday, June 22, 2007

Are you easily shocked?

I know, I go almost a month without hardly a post and now 3 in one day. This next post is quite a story. I titled it "Are you easily shocked?" because this question now will forever burn in my mind and my answer will always be "YES!".

Since summer began, I've been getting up and walking. I've worked from 3 miles to now 5 and now look forward to my walks. This morning was no different than usual. Roll out of bed, brush my teeth, pull up my hair, put on my walking clothes, grab the iPod and out the door! Everything was just like any other day until I walked by a house about a 1/2 mile from our house. The man that lives there is always out in his yard tending to his flowers and plants. I've said hello many times and commented on how hard he works in the yard. Well, today (WHY???) I decided to ask him about a plant in his yard. He was thrilled and gave me a tour of the front yard and told me what every plant was. Finally, I was about to leave and resume my walk when he asked me why I have been working out. I answered "to loose weight". He then went on to tell me that he would like to share his before and after pictures and tell me about his diet. Innocent enough. Right? You'd think.

Well, I followed him just inside his house and waited for him to go get the before/after pictures. He walked into his kitchen and back out again and then came the question, "Are you easily shocked?". I really thought that he just preparing me to see a messy kitchen. I said, "no" and he waved me into the kitchen.

MOST people have pictures of family or drawings made my kids but not this guy. He had a before picture of him and his wife and then about 3 of him... STARK-RAVING NAKED in his backyard!!!! Was I shocked? YES! At this point, I didn't even know his NAME!!! Yes, I saw him NAKED before I even knew his name! I walked out of the kitchen and remarked that he had indeed lost a lot of weight! Then he grabbed his computer and began to print me a copy of his diet. This is when he decided to ask me my name. I guess in his world, once someone sees you naked you should know their name! Turns out his wife is also named Wanda. I would thought this was a line if I hadn't seen her name on the computer!

Shocked! Yes! How does one get out of such a situation? All I could think of was, how the heck was I going to tell Geoff about this! I never felt that I was in any danger, although I did note that I had my cell phone hooked to my shirt. Had I felt I was in danger I would have bolted and ran not walked away.

Well, he printed me the diet and went to the kitchen again. I was waiting in the living room and he called me back in the kitchen. He was pouring me a green tea and wanted me to tell him how much honey I needed to sweeten it. Ugh... back to the nudity on the fridge and Yes, he pointed it out again! Let me just say, he is proud of his weight loss. Maybe it is like those women who get boob-jobs and feel it necessary to show everyone they know. He lost weight and wants to show it off. (maybe... but more likely it's creepy... sleezy... gross!)

Next thing I know, he is asking me how much weight I have lost and when I said 13 lbs. and that it was going slow. (It's taken me 2 1/2 months) His comment for that was that slowly was best. Then off comes his shirt to show me why! He points to his belly button and says "what do you see?". At this point, seeing how I've seen his stuff and all, I was honest an said, "it's a little saggy." Yes, that is what he was trying to show me. The quicker you loose weight the more your skin will sag. He lost over 100 pounds.

Finally, I leave with a homegrown lemon, a bag of homegrown plums, some lipton green tea and a print off of a diet. Not to mention a vision burned into my brain!

I immediately called Geoff and shared my experience. He wanted to know why I hadn't learned the "don't talk to strangers" rule when I was little and if he was going to have to hire a body guard. Needless to say, I only got a mile in today. I hope the stress from the "visit" is enough to make up for the other 4 I missed.

My sister wanted to know how I could stand there and not act shocked. It's easy. I do what has helped me my whole teaching career. Ignore. Ignore unwanted behavior and usually it will go away. Now the question I HAVE is "how will I ever go on my normal walking path again???" I have to drive by this house every time I go to mine. Ever wonder what is going on in the backyard of your neighbors? I've learned, you never know. You may have a nudist living next to you! And most importantly, I've learned to always answer "YES" to the question, "Are you easily shocked?" And I think from now on, I may not even wave at my "neighbors".

Oh, I almost forgot the part about when he asked me to feel his arm. It was oily. This guy rubs olive oil all over himself every day to help ease the aging process. He suggested I give it a try as well. He said that every day at 3:00 he had a beer and told me to come join him anytime. Somehow, I don't think I'll be joining him. I really stopped because I just knew he enjoyed his garden and I wanted to bring him a flower that my mom grows that blooms at night. Somehow, I think when Mom hears this story, she won't give me a plant to give him for anything. Weirdness... this was a surreal experience to say the least!!

(Disclaimer: We really do live in a nice neighborhood. It's one of the nicest ones for schools and is very quiet. This was NOT the norm!)

9 comments:

Stephe said...

TOO FREAKIN' FUNNY!!!!

Only you Wanda! I'm not easily shocked...but I didn't see that one coming!!! Never in a million years. Just keep up with your same route...just keep a quick pace and chat on the go if necessary. LOL. Too funny. Stephe

Journey to Mia said...

Holy crap! Note to self - do not enter strangers' houses and talk about weight loss!!!!!

Alyson & Ford said...

Wow, what an un-nerving story. Just when you think the world is normal for awhile, you get shocked!

I think he could still be a nice neighbor to talk to (outside in his garden) - we have all done some strange things (well, we don't have nude pics of ourselves - yet!!) so garden chatting would seem safe.

Congrats on losing weight!

Alyson
LID 01/27/06

Yvonne said...

Pretty funny story! I could see myself falling into the same situation and not quite knowing how to get out of it!

Karen said...

OMGoodness, Wanda! I am sitting here holding my sides and tears are streaming down my face. Are you sure you weren't on Candid Camera or something? To Catch a Predator? Seriously, though, listen to Geoff and DON'T TALK TO STRANGERS!!!

hiltonsheadeast said...

OMG! Hehehe Too creepy ! I, too could see myself getting into a situation like that. Looks like you'll have to walk in the other direction !

13lbs. down? That's FAB ! You go, girl. BTW: what was the diet he gave you. Yes, I'm desparate. LOL

Lori H

Anonymous said...

If you were to accept his offer for the 3:00 beer, there wouldn't be a need to get dressed for the occasion!!!That"s probably the get naked time too! I can't believe this happened to you, I'm shocked! Ever thought you may not just have nudist next door? you may have swingers looking for some action!!

Love,Shirley

Valerie said...

OMG! Too strange - unfortunately I've met people like that - they do roam amongst us.

I'm just glad he didn't ask you to help with his weed whaker!

Keep walking although I would reverse course for a while and let him enlighten someone else.

Valerie

Shannon S said...

Aaagh! How horrible and funny! I am freaked out for you! The Ewww factor is immense! I wonder what his wife is like??? Maybe time to pick up the pace to a sprint as you pass by?! Then again...let me know if the diet sounds do-able!