This is LONG... but hey! I'm catchin' up!!

I really have planned to post lately but never made it. I've been pouring myself into all things dissertation. Tonight, I'm taking a much needed break and will watch Survivor. So catching up...

* We were logged in exactly 12 months on Feb. 27th. We didn't exactly celebrate but did feel great satisfaction in that we have reached such a milestone. Our agency's website now says the wait from LID to referral is 16-18 months. I've resigned myself to the fact that we may not be going to China until sometime in the fall. I've come to realize that this whole process is progressive. One.Step.At.A.Time.


* I've reached a milestone in my dissertation as well. I've received an approval for my proposal idea. It's only taken me almost a year to do this. I have to remind myself that this is the second idea that was approved. My first topic was also approved but fell apart just as I reached the proposal stage as the war in Iraq began. My subjects basically all moved away. For those who are wondering... yes, I've been at this quest in my career for a very long time. I should be finished by now. Actually I should have finished a long time ago. However, it was during my studies that Geoff and I made the decision to have a baby. Staying focused on extending a family via IVF, domestic adoption, foster-care/adoption, and finally International adoption has taken its toll on my progress. Not to mention that I've switched jobs 4 times during a process that depends upon my job situation. I hate that it has taken me this long but as they say, "that's life". I hope things are on the upswing again. I hope that chapters 1-3 will be submitted by the end of March. I hope that the actual study will occur in May. I need the better part of this to be finished by referral time. That's a lot of hope situated upon alot of things well beyond my control.

* Something I've not shared on the blog... last December we got a new special needs list from our agency. I happened to discover it during my workday. I immediately saw not just one but two girls that I could see as being Lexi. I sent Geoff an email and then called him to see if he could see Lexi on the list. Amazingly, he identified the same two girls. I know this may sound weird that more than one picture could "feel" like she was our Lexi, but the truth is we don't really know who she is. We just "feel" her. We actually emailed our agency about either of the girls but they were both already spoken for. I did find a great sense of relief in this whole experience because I really got a taste for how it would feel when we finally see our Lexi's face. I felt the immediate love for a child that is only a dream at this point. It was comforting to me to know that once we do receive our referral, my love for our Lexi will be real. It will be confirmed.

* So today, I saw another email from our agency for a little girl whose adoption has fallen through so rather than delay her adoption, they were "offering" her to families who were LID between Jan. and Mar. of 2006. That fits us. I looked at her information and emailed Geoff. Then I called him to make sure he saw my message. I wanted this to be Lexi even though I really didn't "feel" it. Neither did Geoff. And when I allowed myself to really internalize it, I knew that it wasn't our "time"/our Lexi. I even had an internal panic that if we did get this child, I would probably be going to get her by May and "wholly-cow!!!" if we did get her, would I ever have the focus required to finish my dissertation. I guess that says it all. It's not our time. We still have much to do before Lexi. What a realization...

* Movin' on... Tomorrow begins the GOLF weekend... (A Gathering of Little Friends). This time it's close to home. I don't have to fly anywhere. Tomorrow night, a bunch of Dec. and Jan. DTC cyber-friends will meet for the first time. We have a big weekend planned in Savannah. I can't wait to meet some more fellow "adopters" and reunite with some of the ladies (and their hubbies) that I met in Philly. I'll post some weekend details later on. It is sure to be a fantastic weekend.

So basically, I think I'm caught up at least for tonight. Now I'm going to watch Survivor. Whew!!