Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Future conversations????

As any adoptive parent knows, the future conversations with your child is an uncertainty. The first time I was struck by a kid's point of view was several months after bringing Lexi home. We were in Kroger and an African American little girl started to talk to herself asking questions like "is that little girl Chinese" and "I wonder if she speaks Chinese". The little girl was so small and intuitive that I never got offended and began to speak to her and answer some of her questions. It was actually as if she wanted to ask questions but yet knew her parents would not approve. Over the last few months I've come to wonder how to handle such situations. We are so PROUD of Lexi and at this point really don't worry about sharing our story of our journey to get her. But we also have to wonder if in the future Lexi will want to keep this to herself. After all, we don't know her family history. We just know hers with US and we hope and pray with all our being that our love and commitment will be enough to fulfill her questions.

And then a few weekends ago, we stood in line at a Food Lion behind a Mexican family. The little girl was much the same. Only this time she had "deeper" questions. She asked me if I was Lexi's sister. I told her that I was her mom which confused her very much and she even said taht she did not look like me or Geoff. Then she wanted to know more. As I told her I was Lexi's mom and that she was to live with me forever, the little girl got more confused. She wanted to know why I did not take her to her mom and dad. When I told her that she did not have a mom or dad, the little girl was even more concerned that we take her back to where she was "lost" so her mom could find her. Her father tried to explain but he knew he could not provide the answers she sought. Her older brother tried to explain what an orphanage was and that we were good for Lexi but the little girl just could not understand.

I hope our little girl will grow to understand and know that we wanted her so badly that we traveled across the world to get her. I hope she knows that we loved her from the very day we decided to adopt from China.

I keep finding myself thinking what to say to people once she is older and KNOWS exactly what we are talking about. With my brother he always knew he was adopted and it was never and will never be an issue. But what will Lexi want to know. I really believe there is a difference between cultures and situations. But in my heart I want to believe that love is all we need. This may be naive thinking but at this point, love is wonderful... love is our life... love is Lexi and our family together.

I know it is good to ponder these things. It's only in Lexi's best interest. Both Geoff and I would never want to be a source of disappointment for our beautiful daughter but yet we desperately want to be great role models as well.

Sorry for thinking so deeply but every parent does the same, it's just ours is more public.

1 comment:

mhsands said...

My oldest brother was adopted by my dad and it was never an issue either. I still remember the day our mom told us... Lexi is so loved and that is what matters to a child. She is lucky to have ya'll as parents!