We arrived home last night. For the first time in 6 nights Lexi slept well. We think she missed her bed and her routine. The trip we so looked forward to was hard on her. As I type this, I mean no hidden messages or ill-meanings on anyone but I feel I must share how things really are and can be with an adopted child especially one from an orphanage. We've had Lexi for 9 months now and really thought the timing was right to travel far away from home and let her meet more family. We looked forward to sharing her sweet self and beauty with everyone but it was not that easy. By the end of the week we were all ready to come home and now we have some readjusting to do. I know that not everyone who reads our blog understands. There are so many people who believe that love is the answer but those of us who have "been there and done that" realize how fragile International Adoption can be.
Today was our first entire day home. It was hard to say the least. My dear hubby let me sleep in and got up with Lexi as usual. I got up and had some hot coffee and held my appetite for left-over Thanksgiving dinner with my family. I have to say my Mom surprised us all with a pretty much "repeat" of Thanksgiving today complete with freshly cooked homemade mac'&cheese and lima beans for Geoff. She made sure there was plenty of left over homemade stuffing and gravy for me along with my favorite rutabagas (I know not really a Thanksgiving staple for all but is with our family). Lunch with Lexi was hard. She gobbled up cranberry sauce and wanted to be done. Then she sought out all the attention she could gather from everyone. We recognize this as controlling behavior and is hard to deal with. Mom was really great with her and got her to eat and then take a nap. I only wish I had such great instincts with her. I won't sell myself short by saying I have none but my Mom has so much experience with traumatized children that she just instinctively knows what to do.
I have to say without a doubt I've never felt so missed and so loved as I have this Thanksgiving. It was our idea to go to VA and felt it was a good time for Lexi. It's always a little hard to know exactly what to do. Our trip wasn't exactly what we had planned. Not that we had a plan other than visiting the zoo and spending time with family. In the end, the weather didn't cooperate and the zoo was out. Wanda wanted to get some pictures of LJ in the leaves, but the constant rain didn't allow for that to happen either. LJ's cousin was sick the first few days of the visit as well so we weren't able to spend much time out at mom and dad's as well. Just seemed that our plans weren't meant to be. But those things happen sometimes. It was nice to finally get Lexi to meet her great grand parents. That is something we have wanted to do for sometime. I think she has finally just met about everyone. It was nice to spend some time with Uncle Mike and Aunt Kelley. I don't always stay in touch as I should, but it was nice to see them and they were very good hosts. I hope we did not interrupt their routine very much.
I know I have my insecurities and I am sure that Wanda does as well. We love her very much and know that she loves us. Seeing her growing before us is amazing and a blessing. But it is a little disheartening to be in the same room with her and feel like she is not at least acknowledging your presence is not fun. It does happen from time to time, and they are getting fewer and farther between. I think we are like LJ in that we have our routines and don't always like them being upset.
Tonight she was easily agitated and cried over everything. I had to put her to bed with her boots on as she would not allow us to take them off. We've already had to repeat rocking her to sleep. I feel as if the last week has been harder than any other week since we got home.
So for now we have some readjusting to do. For now, we will just work in as much routine as possible and reinforce who is in control. Control is such an issue with International adoptive children but is such an important message that they learn to give up control and trust their parents. We want our daughter to grow up well adjusted and successful daughter. We only wish her the best in life we can ever offer and will leave the rest up to the good Lord above.