Rambling and Complaining

Posting has been hard lately. I seem to have trouble finding the time and the will to do it. It's really great that I'm busy and that the time is passing but the truth is we really thought we'd have Lexi by now.

When we started the adoption process I think we were just so happy to have have an avenue to have a child together that we didn't really foresee what would lie ahead. There have been so many ups and downs. It took us 6 months to prepare the dossier. That was unexpected. I thought it would be a breeze. I keep thinking back to the homestudy process... why on earth did they make us do so many things to prepare for the baby??? The baby gate is my biggest complaint. It's right in the kitchen blocking off the laundry room. Every time I go in there it's like a huge reminder that we don't have a baby. I asked Geoff to take it down last week but he hasn't done it yet.

Another thing that is a constant reminder of no baby are the blasted outlet covers that Geoff bought... he didn't buy the cheapy kind that pop right out. These are Mommy and Daddy proof as well. I can't even get them off. And when I do manage to get one off, I've been tossing them in the trash. I'll be using the ones my Secret Pal gave me instead. Then there are the cabinet door locks. I hate those too! But considering it took my Dad about 4 hours to get them installed, they will never be removed. I also had to redo all the cabinet arrangements for the homestudy and move the knives and sharp objects to the highest shelf. All of this just seems to be an unnecessary step until we actually have a referral. Then they should check the house. We've had all of this in place a year now and at the current rate of referrals, I won't be anytime soon that we will actually need these changes in our house.

And of course, there is the nursery. I go in there at least once a week and ask Geoff where the baby is. Yesterday, we had our Fall Festival at school. I hate these things as does every other teacher in the school. They feed us pizza before it starts and a bunch of us were eating and talking. One of the girls told me that Lexi wasn't going to just be our baby, she was going to be the whole schools. Everyone is waiting for our baby. I thought it was a very sweet thing to say.

I think I'm in a funky mood today because I finally took the time to read my Yahoo group posts and one woman posted that she had 8 months of waiting behind her. (We have 7 1/2) Then she said that she thought she had 10 more months of waiting. I can't even entertain the thought of 10 more months. I just CAN'T. I keep thinking that referrals will speed up and that we only have until March for our referral. That I can handle. When I allow myself to think about the wait going to 18 months, I just go into denial mode. I know I'm rambling but hey, this is my blog and it's for my thoughts and today I just feel the need to purge all these negative thoughts from my brain.