Tuesday, March 28, 2006

This is a very selfish post...

I have been thinking of how to post this post that you are about to read for several days now. I feel that it very well could be interpreted as selfish on my part. And if it is... I'm sorry. I think I have a good reason behind it. Maybe our friends and family who will "maybe???" read it will understand.

A few months ago, I asked over 100 friends and family to participate in our quilt swap. I carefully went through the list being careful not to just send requests to everyone I knew. I heard from several people who didn't actually get the "wish" part of the quilt. Some people have sent me fabric that I will eventually put in Lexi's book under a title "Wishes in their hearts". The thing is, I've been somewhat disappointed in the amount of response. Probably half of our wishes have come from strangers who relate to our journey to bring Lexi home. The other half are from friends and family.

Well, I know everyone is busy... our daily lives are out of control. No one has time anymore to even know their neighbors! I surely don't know mine. I speak but that's it. The thing is, this week I lost a dear friend at work. She was only 34 years old. She was gone less than 3 weeks of us knowing anything was even wrong! This woman was so full of life! A true testimate to living life to it's fullest and doing as much for others as one can. She was probably within a year of finishing her doctorate and still wanted to remain working with kids. At first I just mourned her passing. Then yesterday, while looking through Lexi's book of wishes, I was struck with the feeling of sadness that I didn't have wish from her yet. (I know she would have given us one... She awaited Lexi's arrival and celebrated our experiences right along with me.) This is the selfish part of my post, I wish I had a wish for Lexi... not only just for her but also for me. It would be one more thing I could hang onto. I'd love to read the wish with Lexi and tell her about her strength, excitement and hunger for life. But it's too late. I think I will do my best to include her in the wish book somehow, someway.

So her passing just lets us all know how fragile life can be and how quickly things change. Am I being totally selfish to want to want Lexi to know how much everyone wanted to welcome her into our lives??? Am I selfish to ask for a square and a wish for her from those we love? Is it okay for friends and family to put things off and let daily life get away and make us forget the simple things that will be remembered forever??

Honestly, I hope everyone reading this knows that we love you and want you to be a part of her life. If you want to give her a wish, do it... don't put it off. You never know what tomorrow will bring. I honestly hope we'll all be together for a long long time... but we all know that God chooses when to bring his children home.

(I sincerely hope I haven't offended anyone.)


Melissa said...

Well put.
I lost my brother-in-law at 28 years old.
What an uncle he would have been.

Melissa said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Wanda and Geoff said...

Just to qualify.... I was not trying to delete someone's comment... just a duplicate of Melissa's.

I'm glad to see someone else who understands.

And Melissa, I get a "hoot" reading your blog!

Yvonne said...

I wouldnt worry about offending anyone - your blog is for your thoughts - and what you had to say hits home for everyone in one way or another. Life is too short - but sadly there are some who just will never "get it". I hope you get all the wishes you deserve.

Nathan & Emily's Mommy (Mary) said...

I agree...very well said. I too sent out the letter to family & friends and got like 4 squares, but the rest (over 150) from my online adoption family. I think our family members just don't realize the significance of what this small piece of fabric meansto us. It takes someone else going thru the process. I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. Life is definitely too short.