It's going on 3:00 AM of Lexi-J Day! I've been awake at least an hour. I finally decided to get up. I thought maybe I'd post more about our sight-seeing yesterday but after all these years of waiting, THE DAY is here! I'm filled with such anticipation that I can barely contain my emotions. I'm trying so hard not to cry those wonderful tears of joy and anticipation because (1) I don't want Lexi's first sight of me to be red swollen eyes, and (2) the medicines I've been taking for the allergies have finally started to work so I don't need to irritate them anymore and (3) my nose is already too raw from blowing it all day yesterday!! Of course #1 is the most important. Who cares how I feel, I just want to hold our daughter in my arms for the first time and look into her beautiful eyes. I pray that Lexi will make this transition easily. I hate to know that we are going to be the source of disruption in her life even if it is for the better. The orphanage is all she has ever known and we will be strangers. Strangers that are white with different colors of hair from hers that speak a totally different language! I pray that God will bless her with the comfort she will need and she can easily learn to rely on Geoff and me the way that Geoff and I do with each other. I truly feel that Lexi is a gift from God to us and to all of our family and friends. God places people in our lives that bless us, make our lives richer and in some ways fill a void. My life is already blessed beyond measure but this little girl has a place that I've reserved for her for such a long, long time. I didn't know it at first. I just knew that when the reality hit me in my 20's that I could no longer have children, I closed that door in my heart. I couldn't go into baby sections of stores without my heart aching. I met other people's babies and was aloof. I went to baby showers only when I had to. I cried with sadness for myself when my friends got pregnant even though I was so happy for them. I yearned for another child.
It took Geoff to open my heart to trying for a child to call our own. He loves Sara with all his heart but had his own paternal need for a baby to call his very own. He convinced me to that we could do it some way, somehow. It took awhile to open that place in my heart to the idea. I am a worrier and all I could do was worry about how we could do it. He never gave up. He found ways. He found IVF doctors, he found adoption agencies, he filled out fostering applications, and finally he found CWA, our agency. And finally~ we felt with all of our hearts that this was the way. It's taken 6 years now to go through all of this. We're six years older, six years more patient, six years wiser, and though the GRACE of God six years finally to our Lexi. This little baby is our little miracle. And even though we've yet to meet her, we are so in love with her! She has blessed our lives and the lives our our friends and family already. So I guess you can say, she not only is healing our hearts, she is healing those of many others. I pray we can do the same for her. I truly believe God places people in our paths for a reason... Lexi is in ours for a reason. I don't need to know why, I just am thankful that she is!
And this in about 12 more hours, if not before ... we should have her in our loving arms! No wonder I can't sleep!!